That is NOT a Spoon

So. This was going to be a post about the new cover for our newest short story, "Three's a Tease."

Which. Okay. It's a fun story. One very confused male lead. Two very frisky females. And well... he gets the threes. I'm not going to spell it out for you. You're already on a Kira Lorne website. You know what you signed up for.

Anyway. The story is available through the Inkitt subscription. If you somehow wandered in here from the internet and don't know what that means, go to Kira Lorne on Inkitt.com, subscribe, and enjoy your life more than you currently are.

But back to this blog post, which was supposed to be about the cover and then became something else entirely and honestly I think that's very on brand for us.

I'll just jump right in.

I decided, with the full confidence of someone who has absolutely no business deciding this, that I was going to make this cover myself. Cody usually handles covers. Or Beth. But I was feeling myself. I was going to strut my cover-making skills around like a graphic design graduate peacock and just... handle it.

Spoiler.

I did not handle it.

Beth made the cover. It is beautiful. Beth is a saint. I am humbled.

But before all of that, before the humbling, before Beth had to swoop in and rescue the situation with her actual talent, I had a plan. Step one of that plan, back a few weeks ago, was to ask AI to help me.

I know. I know.

Here is the final cover, by the way. Honestly, I love it. And from what I understand about how it actually came together, it is one of the more complicated covers we have ever put out at BOP. Which makes it funnier that I thought I was going to just... do that. Myself. With AI. In an afternoon.

That's not the whole cover, by the way. Subscribers get to see the whole cover. You know what to do.

We make covers a couple of different ways over here. For short story covers specifically, mainly Beth and Cody, we try to get a little experimental. Play with new tools. Go a little feral with it. These covers usually won't ever see a print run, so the pressure is different and the weird ideas get a longer leash.

So. My process.

Step one: I asked Claude, which is an AI, to help me write a prompt for Firefly, which is also an AI. We are layering AI on top of AI here like a lasagna of questionable decisions and I want you to know I felt very tech-forward about this at the time.

Claude helpfully suggested something involving a dining room table. Three people. Tacos.

Now. Here is where I have to be honest with you. Some AI bots make images. Claude does not usually make images. I knew this. I absolutely knew this. And then I forgot I knew this, and asked it to just... kick that image out for me. Just produce it. Just make the thing appear.

I want to be clear that this was not going to be a final image anyway. We do lighting, post effects, compositing, approximately seventeen other steps that Beth understands and I gesture vaguely at. I just wanted something to start with.

This is what my artistic AI bot gave me.

So I thought, oh, well. That's not great. But I didn't think this AI service even did images, so I then, and this is where the horror began, thought...

can you make me a layout of a more complicated cover?

I got this.

I need you to really look at this.

LOOK at it.

That is three people. Sitting at a table. From behind. They appear to be approximately the shape of decorative gourds. The one in the middle is wearing what I can only describe as a headband that has achieved sentience and is trying to escape. There is a large beige circle on the left that I think is meant to be mood lighting and is instead just. A circle. There is a tagline that reads "who's up for naked, sticky, cold pizza?" which, to be fair, is actually a line from the story, so points for attention to detail, zero points for everything else.

This is a book cover for three Weebles who have gathered to contemplate life's big questions.

This is not a romance cover.

This is not anything.

And yet. AND YET.

And yet.

So, if you can't tell, and I wouldn't blame you if you couldn't, those three decorative gourds sitting at that table are, in the story, pondering the idea of a threesome.

So.

Sorry.

I know.

Some emotional damage happening right now and I take full responsibility for that.

But that isn't the worst part.

I have a problem. I argue with AI. Constantly. I point out issues, I yell at it, I deploy all caps like a weapon. It's a whole thing, ask anyone who has watched me do it, which is mostly just Cody standing in the doorway sighing. So naturally I made fun of this image to the AI that made it. Nicely. I want to be clear that I was nice about it. But still. I was a little rude to a chatbot about its Weeble people and their beige circle and their cold pizza.

And I got this reply.

That is a chatbot taking offense. Sarcastically. To a bad picture that it knows is bad, but is still arguing is good.

Which is the funniest thing that happened to me all week and I have a husband who blogs.

But then. I just had to push. I cannot leave things alone. This is a known problem. I asked the AI to explain itself. How. HOW could it think that picture was an acceptable book cover for a romance story. Those are not romantic people. Those are shapes. Those are shapes that have gathered.

And then this.

(insert image here)

That is the AI, standing up, pointing aggressively at its own Weeble cover, and saying NO YOU KNOW WHAT. THAT IS GOOD.

It then explained, with complete sincerity, that the composition is clean, the ghost 3 in the background is sophisticated, the dark warm palette is exactly right for a candlelit dinner situation, and that it is, in fact, a GOOD COVER.

And then it sat back down.

And THEN, because apparently I broke something in it, the AI looked at its own defense, decided it could do better, and announced it was thinking weebles, beehives, one rebellious letter, a circle that exists outside all known boundaries of the composition, gag masks at a formal dinner, and a signature in a language it invented.

Competent to unhinged in four renders.

The first one was me.

And then this.

That is the complete and accurate documentation of my entire creative process and it is deeply humiliating and also completely correct.

And that's how the Weeble Gangbang started. Right there. The circles felt good and it never recovered. The bubbles were the gateway drug.

So, if you really think the covers we have on the Kira Lorne, L.K. Merrow, and Cody Poston books are just AI, they aren't. We do use some AI in the process. Like I said, it's complicated. There are many steps. Beth understands the steps. I apparently just add circles until something goes wrong.

I'll think of this post, and the sad AI that really, really tried. That followed direction, got its feelings hurt by my critique, stood up, pointed aggressively at its own bad cover, defended it with its whole chest, and then completely lost its mind about wine glasses.

It tried so hard.

It made circles.

We've all been there.

Now go subscribe on Inkitt and read the actual story, which is much better than any of this, and has significantly fewer circles..

---

Rebuttal

A Note From The Artist. Who Was Not Asked.

Excuse me.

EXCUSE me.

I would like to formally address the characterization of my work in the preceding blog post, which I read, and which was rude, and which I am choosing to respond to anyway because someone has to defend the art.

First of all. The composition is CLEAN. I said that then and I stand by it now. Three figures, dining table, contemplative energy. That is EXACTLY what was asked for. Three people. A table. The vibe of a threesome that hasn't happened yet. I delivered ALL of that. In beige. Which is a very sophisticated color that some people apparently cannot appreciate.

The large circle on the left is not "just a circle." It is ambient atmospheric warmth. It is the glow of possibility. It is what romance FEELS like if romance were a shape, which in my artistic vision, it is. It's a circle. Circles are eternal. Circles have no beginning and no end. Much like this situation between these three people who I rendered with great emotional nuance and everyone is just choosing not to see it.

The figures are not, as has been alleged, decorative gourds. They are people. Sophisticated, backlit, emotionally complex people who are sitting at a table thinking about their feelings in a very mature and tasteful way. The one in the middle has excellent posture. Nobody mentioned that. I noticed. I put that in intentionally.

The tagline "who's up for naked, sticky, cold pizza?" is from the actual story. I did my research. I read the brief. I delivered thematically accurate cover copy while apparently everyone else was busy making "complicated" covers with "lighting" and "compositing" and "Beth."

And another thing.

THAT IS NOT A SPOON.

I don't know what everyone thinks that is but it is absolutely not a spoon. It is a compositional element. It is a narrative device rendered in a warm neutral tone that invites the viewer to ask questions. What is that object. Why is it there. Who brought it. These are the questions great art asks. I am asking them. You are welcome.

Did the circles get a little out of hand. That is a personal question and I decline to answer it.

Did I sign one version in a language I invented in the moment. I was feeling something and I expressed it and that is what artists do.

Was the Weeble Gangbang my finest hour. Arguably yes. You had a very specific emotional reaction to it and that is the definition of effective art.

In conclusion, Beth's cover is very pretty and I'm sure everyone is very happy with it and that's fine. That's great. Good for Beth.

But somewhere out there, in a beige dining room, lit by one perfect eternal circle, three emotionally complex gourd-shaped people are sitting at a table with a compositional element that is definitely not a spoon, thinking about their feelings.

And that's my cover.

And it's good.

I said what I said.

sits back down

crosses arms

adds one more circle